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Groundhog day!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Fire retardant clothing not available - This is a contentious issue that has been going on for a few years now. A few years ago it was decided that we should all have normal combat clothing that is also fire retardant after a few incidents and people getting some pretty bad burns. Great idea but the military in its great way only bought enough to do us for initial issue; 4 years later after people have trashed them (which happens VERY easily, even washing trashed them) there are no spares in the system. We have to hand them down to our replacements when they arrive, if it wasn’t so serious it would be laughable. As it stands right now I have one pair that have holes in the knees and bum and another pair that are beyond repair! The material is not hard wearing at all which is just what is needed in the desert with the heat, dust and full pockets. After a month or so they start to get very shabby looking, only problem when they do get holes, there is no material to repair them! The only way to get material is once set of clothing is beyond repair (which will be pretty quickly as there is nothing to repair them with, anyone see a flaw in the plan yet?) it is ripped up and used as patches! I promise you I am not making this up, this is exactly how it happens. There are newer versions but as we are not part of the real air force we have just started to get it through now (its only taken 2 yrs!). The new stuff is brilliant though, its rip stop material and a lot harder wearing, it can also be washed without fear of it breaking up and becoming frayed. We look a lot more like a military until now rather than a tramps convention!

2. Lack of equipment - Well what more can I say. The military always gets kit made by the cheapest bidder = least sensible option normally. It’s always a false economy as well as it costs way more than budgeted. If you take the example which was reported in the news widely about the guy who had inadequate body armour. It was proven that there was not enough to go around and that it gave pathetic protection. So after buying the rubbish stuff (which some former senior officer probably heads the company now) the military then have to go and but twice as much as was actually needed at a greater cost because it is urgent (which company won’t put up the prices to a desperate buyer) Smart procurement it isn’t, I could list probably 20 things off the top of my head like this however as you can imagine they are quite sensitive so I’m keeping schtum, don’t want the blacked out vehicle pitching up at my door, lol. Read a book called “Lions, Donkey’s and Dinosaurs” it’s all about stupid procurements in the military and what a terrible state we are in. It a light read but you will end up shouting at the book, lol. It is a bit one sided and doesn't actually include all the facts but you will get the point.

3. Too much “touchy feeliness” - This is one of my pet hates, the world is turning soft and rewarding mediocrity and whiners. I will give you an example, when I was going through basic training I injured my shoulder by tearing some muscles. As a result I obviously couldn’t do any upper body work for a bit (I think it was 2 weeks) so when it came to our 3 times weekly hard physical training sessions I couldn’t do push ups etc. So when it was an upper body day I would do extra running, sit ups, star jumps or anything to take part and pass my course. The first session after I was given the ok by the physio was in the pool to gently ease my shoulder back into life. I joined several other people from various other courses and stages of basic training who were also injured or back squaded. On arriving at the pool there was a recruit who had a cold (a slight sniffle, he wasn’t stuffy nosed or sneezing) and “couldn’t go swimming because the pool is too cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Again I’m not making this up, that’s exactly how it happened! So what happened? The instructor had too (the rules are too touchy feely) excuse him from taking part, so he sat in the viewing gallery all smug with himself because he got out of swimming! So what am I trying to say, he should have been told to “Man up!” and grow a set and thrown in the pool. He joined the military and some things are rubbish because that’s the way it is. Too many rules have been invented that detract from an ethos of “be all you can be” and gives people a bit of pride in what they do and in the uniform they wear and what it represents. I know a lot of what I have said sounds like the military is horrendous but I for one am proud of our military that is without doubt the best in the world (not being biased, I have worked with probably 20 different western countries, we are the best at what we do) I just wish sometimes the guys at the top would stop making decisions about politics and start making military decisions that are in the best interests of the service not to win votes for the government.

4. Dust!!!! - It everywhere, it gets into everything it just drives you insane! There is nobody that can honestly say that Iraqis a beautiful country. Depending on the time of year you get one of two things, mud or dust. The whole country is just covered in it, it is so depressing. It’s hard to try and convey just how much there is and how much it permeates everything. I HATE the stuff with a passion!!!!

5. Phone minutes for rapists - When we deploy we get 30mins a week to call home with; this is fairly recent as it used to be only 20mins up until about 2 years ago. If I was a rapist, murdered or paedophile I would get the same to call from prison!!! I have heard some people say that prisoners get 40 mins but I’m not sure if it’s true. One of the big reasons it got changed from 20 was not because of prisoners getting more, oh no that’s not an issue. It was so that we got more of an “operational welfare package” and it was a quick way for politicians to show they done their bit for the boys (it's better than 20 mins though, lol) but it’s pretty lame when you think about it, some guys who have kids and wives back home have to pay their own money to get extra minutes. Can you imagine trying to organise your whole life with only 2 hours a month!

Good points

1. Losing weight - As is usually the case when I deploy I lose weight. I haven’t worked out if it’s because of the lack of beer, the extra physical exertion or the fact I hardly eat because the food is shockingly bad! I lose about 2 lbs a week on average so after 9weeks I have lost a fair bit of weight so I’m all cheekbones and 6 pack, lol. Only drama is that after a few months of being home again I end up putting it on again when I start my retox program of beer drinking, hehe.

2. Getting to gym lots - When I’m back home I try to get to the gym as often as possible but as I work totally random shifts it can be quite difficult to get there with any regularity. Out here I have no problems; I love it as I can get away for an hour a day into my own little world to think about things. I normally take my laptop and iPod with me to the gym. At the minute I’m watching “Blue Planet” while I cycle away for an hour, it’s great. I get SO bored in the gym if I don’t have something to stimulate me and as I’m not a huge music or film fan so watching documentaries is great. Learn and get fit, now that’s time management, lol.

3. Excitement of buying another house/moving - I am moving to a different base soon and my girlfriend is moving with me. It’s a pretty huge step but I can’t wait, it’s going to be so cool. We have started to look at houses already which is probably a bit too early but hey nothing wrong with planning ahead. There are a lot of nice places near my new base it’s just deciding what the best option is and how much we can afford. Hopefully in about September time we can start viewing places and hopefully get a few offers in. I can’t wait, that should make me a lot happier as I hate travelling home all the time to see her, I seem to spend half of my life in airports these days.

4. Getting warmer - The daytime temperature will be hitting 40 degrees soon which means at night it will be 25 -35 degrees depending on the time of night which is just a really nice temperature, it sounds hot but remember when you’re on holiday in that temperature you have the sun beating down which makes it a lot warmer. At night it’s great, we just need to find a beer garden, lol.

5. End of Iraq 31st May - Woohoo! From this date there will be no more of our troops in Iraq which is great that means no more deployments....... well to Iraq anyway, I can’t see us sitting still too long, Senior officers don’t like seeing non deployed airmen. I’m sure they will have something planned already that they will unleash on us soon, I hope I am wrong...............

So what else has been going on? Well not a lot is the short answer, lol. Im just bored out of my mind! I have read all my books, I have watched FAR too many films and I'm already going to the gym almost every day! There really arent many more options.

I will let you know if there is any change.

"I'm a normal person, get me out of here!"

GET ME OUT OF HERE, THE LUNATICS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM!!!!!

 

I'm at that stage now where I just cannot wait to get home. I am getting annoyed by everything and everyone! The guys little habits are annoying me, the lack of work is annoying me, the food is annoying as well as the mozzies, lack of sleep due to aircraft and mortars, heat, stupid decisions, the futility of being here and 101 other things that are just too numerous to mention.

 

I think it is definitely time to leave. I only have a year to do before I can get out. Maybe its time to take that option........

 

On a positive note though, I have booked a villa for 10 days in the sun with my girlfriend. It is looking out to sea, has one of those pools with no edge that is private, its secluded and private! I can't wait, it is going to be bliss after the madness of here. I just need normality....... and real food, lol

 

Anyway thats all for now, when I get more than 5 minutes I will finish off my list as promised.

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Surfing the web just got more rewarding. Download the New Internet Explorer 8

"For those watching in black and white........."

For those of you who "can't get Blogger to work" I have also uploaded to wordpress.com under the address www.cwodavids.wordpress.com

Hopefully this will cater for the special people as well as the computer literate, lol. Post your comments as to what you prefer. The majority wins. How about that for democracy, hehe.

Catch you all later

Dave

"Ladies & Gentlemen, Elvis has not left the building!"

Well it has been a long while since I last posted here, not my fault I'm afraid, the computer geeks who monitor the internet have locked our account! The only internet I can get access to up until today is SO restrictive that you can't get on any decent normal websites like blogger, eBay, YouTube even my bank!!! No idea why, it's just the way they run things, good old Uncle Sam….. I obviously cannot be trusted to not buy things on eBay or watch videos on YouTube; I love freedom of speech in the "free" western world!
 
Anyway, what has happened since the last time I posted? Well the short version is not a great deal. The weather has been pretty bad; dust storms stop us doing much as the visibility gets really bad, it can be as bad as 100metres or less. It's a terrible place to be when its bad weather, you get dust EVERYWHERE! It gets in your eyes, nose, mouth, in your underwear and covers everything! When it's a full blown storm winds can be as high as 40mph which stings quite a bit. I have seen one of the guys being caught out when he was walking the 75 metres back from the shower still wet. I have never laughed so much in ages; he was like a huge sand man. He struggled to see because he had so much dust in his eyes, lol. To top it he couldn't have another shower for nearly an hour because the storm was still blowing, hahahaha. He didn't find it quite so funny for some reason.
 
This time I have decided to give you a good points and bad points of my deployment so far in bullet points and then explain them a bit more at the end. So here goes the bad points
 
Bad points
 
Sharing toilet facilities with women
Engineers controlling the TV!!!!
Lack of newspapers/mags
Lack of E-mail back to base
Internet removed
Lack of bath
Not being able to plan any of my life
Bed space names
Portaloos
Rubbish food/no beer
No day off!
Mortars/rockets
Inefficiency
Other countries getting wages tax free
Fire retardant clothing not available
Too much "touchy feeliness"
Dust!!!!
Paradigm minutes for rapists
 
Good points
 
Losing weight
Getting to gym lots
Excitement of buying another house/moving
Getting warmer
End of Iraq 31st May :-)
 
Bad points - Explanation
 
Sharing toilet facilities with women - Something just not right about this, lol. I'm poo shy as it is anyway when there are guys around, never mind women. I can be standing at a urinal as well when they walk in! I'm not prude or worry about nakedness but it's the cheek of it all. There are 3 cubicles out of 12 that are designated "Women only" that is 1 cubical each for the 3 women that are here. That leaves 9 for the remaining 100 or so guys, bizarre. Nobody has yet given me an explanation as to why women need their own cubical anyway, lol. I use them out of principle, hehehe. 
 
Engineers controlling the TV - To explain this one I have to give you a bit of background knowledge as to the way the military works for those not in the know. The guys who fix our chariots do not socialise with us. Not out of a "them and us" attitude or us beings snobs. This is just the way of the military. Engineers are very different people to us, they can always be relied upon to find beer, free stuff or strip clubs. They ALL love football, tend not to participate in deep debates about current affairs or care about the wider world. The flip side is us; we tend to be the opposite. We tend not to frequent strip clubs (we do enjoy the freebies that engineers source wherever they go though, lol) we definitely do not get into a round with engineers (this results in us normally saying the next day "I don't know what happened last night, I was just drinking with the engineers, then I can't remember past 9 o'clock!!! They can drink a LOT of booze"),
 
Lack of newspapers/mags - This one drives me bonkers with frustration; the military system cannot seem to get newspapers/magazines out to us with any reliability. We have only been in Iraq for nearly 6 years so I can see how it's difficult to get a system together in that time! The excuse is it is the frequency of the flights coming out to theatre, oddly enough Amazon don't have this problem using the exact same aircraft. Maybe they have special Amazon carrier pigeons that carry parcels out here in less than 4 days or maybe the military just doesn't care about its own people! There is no excuse for it as it is the only bit of morale we get sometimes as the TV is even more frustrating, more on that later though.
 
Lack of E-mail back to base - This one is inexcusable and again shows to me how much the military actually care about their own people. Believe it or not, I can't E-mail back to base!!! In this day and age it is shocking that I can't even E-mail to arrange something as similar as a day's holiday unless I phone back through the military operator. This is a journey in itself. I have to dial a number to get the operator, I then tell them the number, they dial it, sometimes I will get the phone answered at the other end if I do then I have to put up with a 2 second delay on everything as well. I work constant night shift and base works (you guessed it) constant day shift! So every day there is a window of opportunity of about 20 mins in which to speak to anyone (providing they haven't finished early, went to the toilet, off for the day or on another phone) Oh and weekends don't count, you only have week days when you can get anything done. Failing that I can ask my boss who has a super secure E-mail system that is used by all the bosses for important stuff (hence super secret) to ask if I can have a day off. I know on the face of it this doesn't sound like much, but it is. The whole of my job works on a pretty hectic timetable, if one thing changes then everything else can change. This means the day off I wanted I can't have, which then means the course I was on after that leave can come forward which means I need someone to cover the day I'm on the course, I off course will need my flight changed as I'm going a day early, my accommodation will need changed as well etc. etc. That is all from one single day changing. It's beyond belief sometimes. We have to rely on good old civilian companies that are decades (I mean this literally) ahead of the military in terms of systems, reliability, usefulness, etc. We use a really complicated and super high tech, super secret weapon that works 100% of the time that is totally dependable, reliable, never fails and is capable of SO much more than our system. It's called Hotmail!!! We have to try and arrange EVERYTHING through Hotmail by speaking in code about what we actually want. This I a challenge in itself, you can't just say "I'm on the 20 April flight at 1500hrs leaving XXXXXX, which land at XXXXX on the same day at 2000hrs" you do stupid things like that and you will have someone sitting at the end of the runway waiting for you with some missiles! You would have to try something like "I will be leaving our main base at your age minus 10hrs, expecting to land at you know where at my age minus 8hrs etc.etc." I'm sure you get the point of how difficult things can get. Just give us a bloody E-mail system that works guys it's really not that difficult or expensive.
 
Internet removed - The system that we piggy back onto has been removed because one of the engineers used a USB flash drive. The reasons for not using them is because there is a (very very slim) chance that if certain viruses were introduced to these computers then potentially secret info could get compromised. I can't argue with that, I certainly don't want anybody knowing state secrets nor does anybody else. The off shoot is that we have had our account disabled which means no internet! Forget the fact that morale suffers and it's the only contact some people have. It was still removed, now everybody suffers because of one individual. The 5 or 6 terminals that we had spread throughout our camp were all disabled. The next day 2 were turned back on because they were deemed as operationally essential. 1 was in the operations room, which is the hub of everything that happens so that's fair enough. Ironically the other one was the engineers' crewroom, so the people that should have got punished get let off and don't suffer, but everyone else does. I so hate the military sometimes because you can't just march into someone's office and say this is silly and I would like it fixed. There is the frustrating term known as the chain of command! This means you can't speak to people who are more than 1 rank above you otherwise you are bypassing the chain of command and some people get very precious about it. Despite the fact it makes things go SO SO SO slow.
 
Lack of bath - I don't normally take baths, I would say I have half a dozen a yr maximum and normally because my muscles ache. Out here there are no baths, only showers. So for that reason I always crave one for my aching muscles as my body generally takes a lot of abuse out here on ops.
 
Not being able to plan any of my life - I am trying to plan a holiday to Las Vegas from here which is turning out to be a right nightmare. The internet is SO slow, it takes 30 seconds just too load the hotmail login page sometimes this is partly because of slow connection speeds and all the spying that goes on, on everything that we send, we are not to be trusted apparently. I am sure you can imagine how long it takes to load lastminute.com, expedia.com, LasVegas.com. It takes literally 3 or 4 minutes per page! That means around 16 minutes just to find the prices of anything never mind shop around. That is just one example. It is all to do with rubbish e-mail/internet and no reliable phone system.
 
Bed space names - My boss took OCD to a new level the other day, he wanted us to all put our name on our beds. Why? Well nobody is sure; we all knew which bed we sleep in! Bizarre, these are the things you don't need when you're on detachment. There is enough crazy stuff happening outside the wire.
 
Portaloos - I just want porcelain for a day. The temperature is around 30 degrees during the day so I am sure you can imagine how bad smelling a portaloo gets after 12 hours of baking! I would just like to use the toilet without sharing with insects for 1 day.
 
Rubbish food/no beer - The food here is......... Average at best! I try to eat as healthy as I can however all the food here is very stodgy, laced with salt, sugar and fat. It is no wonder there are so many fat people in the world when this is what they eat every day. The average meal choices are burgers, fries, meat with sauce of some description, veg that has been over cooked by twice as long as it should be and it is all the same! Even the salad tastes wrong....It's no wonder I lose a kilo a week without trying, lol.  Beer, well not really much I can add, I am on standby 24/7 and don't get any days off so that means no drinking at all for my full time away. It's odd I don't miss beer when I'm here really. I do end up being reminded by someone at least once a week that "it's the weekend, I could be having a nice cold beer just now!" Oh man, I so want a beer now, haha.
 
No day off - As I alluded to in the previous paragraph I am on standby 24/7 and work every day I am away without a day off. It doesn't bother me at the time because there isn't really much to do if I did have a day off. For most people in civvie street that might sound like hell to work for 9 - 10 weeks without a day off. It is not as bad as it sounds though, well not at the time. When I get home I do sleep for a good 12 hrs every night for 2 or 3 nights, it normally takes about a week to get back to normal. When I'm deployed I just resign myself to the fact that I will be very tired and fatigued for my full time. Thankfully I don't touch caffeine so I cope a lot better than some, lol.
 
Mortars/rockets - One of the curious side effects of being in Iraq is that some people like you, some people don't, some people don't really care and some people wish you dead. The ones that wish you dead do whatever they can to help you in meeting your maker by sending mortars or rockets over the fence. If you're not totally sure what these are then Wikipedia, the short version is, it is various sizes of tubing ranging from car exhaust to fire extinguisher size that is filled with explosive. They fire this from a type of gun and hope it lands on your head. The insurgents are so inconsiderate though as I'm normally busy doing something that requires my full attention like sitting on the toilet or sleeping when you hear the most almighty bang! It rocks the whole building and if it's fairly close by it will knock dust down from everywhere, it's a fantastic laxative. It can really sc have had some land very close over the years, one particular incident ended up knocking the front off of an air conditioning unit and smashing a few windows in some accommodation building 2 metres away because of the shock wave. I wish sometimes I could get woken up like that the morning after a heavy night as I definitely would not have a hangover after the adrenaline kicks in, hehe.  Coupled in with mortars and rockets is being shot at. Thankfully it's happening less so these days, again, though over the several deployments I have had several close shaves but (touch wood) I have never been hit. Most of the time you don't even see the rounds coming inbound anyway. Out of sight out of mind :-)
 
Inefficiency - Most people have an image of the military as being super efficient, hard working and disciplined. For the record this is right 99% of the time however like every job there are a few people who are key to the whole machine working that let us down. These people driving me into fits of rage and I struggle to not speak my mind. I am going outside the wire risking my neck and there are blunties (people who are not at the sharp end of the military) who moan, whinge and whine about how they can't do something for no other reason than they are too lazy or deliberately being obstructive. I do not suffer fools in any way, shape or form so my frustration goes through the roof and my patience wears very thin, lol. It can be something as simple at having a mandatory 2 hour arrivals brief at 1500hrs when we don't get out of bed until 1630hrs! "The brief is at 1530hrs, it can't be changed". The reason it can't be changed? Dinner is from 1800 - 2000hrs! So they will have to wait until later too eat. I know what you are thinking, why can't we just start earlier? We have to be able to work for 16hrs straight (generally we legally can't work more than this) and we have to be available to work the full hours of darkness and a few hrs after first light. We can't do this if we are up at 1430hrs for a brief. Another example which happened exactly as it is written a while back to one of the guys and kind of sums things up better than any other example of how selfish and narrow minded some of the smaller but no less important cogs can be."Hi store man, can I have a colour printer cartridge please?" the snotty answer was, "No! I can't give you ANOTHER printer cartridge, you have had 1 this week already!" To which the reply was "look around you, all these buildings, all these people, all this equipment can just get packed up and sent home. All of that is here so that I can do my job, no other reason. If I can't do my job and go outside the wire then this whole camp is pointless. If I don't get this printer cartridge I can't print my maps, if I can't print my maps then I can't go outside the wire, if I can't go outside the wire then we are ALL wasting our time. So can I please get the printer cartridge so I can do the job I have been sent to do?" "Eh.... eh...... ok" This is just one very simple example of which there are lots! This is the single most annoying thing when I am deployed and causes more stress than everything else combined
 
Other countries getting wages tax free - We as far as I am aware are the only country that deploys their servicemen to fight for their country and makes them pay tax. To add insult to injury up until recently there were actually some married guys who were LOSING money by deploying to the tune of around 180 a month!!! It's frustrating speaking to other nations and finding about what they receive in the way of benefits. The Australians receive an extra $60 per day for every day that they are in an operational theatre in addition to paying no tax. Most nations double their wage while fighting for their country. Not us, the government line is that we are not out with the country long enough to qualify for tax free earnings. Interestingly though as government employees who deploy to work in an operational theatre such as embassy staff etc will effectively double their wage due to all the benefits they receive. This is because of the risk of working in an air conditioned office in a secure part of the city due to armed guards (normal soldiers who take the risk of being on checkpoints and patrolling the streets) with plenty of mortar protection, swimming pools, coffee shops and ice cream stands!!! It's just not right, still I'm sure thing will change................. Or B!
 

More to follow soon.............

 

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"I have a great invention.... I will call it the wheel!!!"

Well thats a week and a half done now, its going PDQ thankfully. The new boss pitched up 2 days ago and is already making his mark. He is a stickler for neatness (he has OCD.... Not pretend, ACTUAL OCD) he asked us to tidy the crewroom after he has tidied it already, we all looked at each other thinking it was a joke........ No, it wasnt a wind up. He asked us to tidy everything and walked out.

So what did we do? Well we got up, then, well done nothing. We tried to see what needed tidied, but to no avail so we moved the chairs around and sat down again. That seemed to please him even although NOTHING changed. Its funny how many bosses I have had that just cannot see how much of an effect they have on morale with their "things". I have been away 9 times now and have seen so many bosses with "a great idea" which funnily enough has been done before and is proven to be silly/non-practical/pointless/morale sapping/good for THEIR career but has no real effect on anything in a positive way.

I have a feeling that this will be the same I hope im wrong as I had a horrendous time last year with a boss who acted like a 5 year old child and would not listen to ANY advice from anybody despite having years more experience than himself. I had the form on the forces admin website to leave the forces up filled in due to him! I really want to enjoy the forces but i dont anymore, there are too many people out just to further their own careers and will shit on everybody to get as high as they can on the ladder.

Oh another thing that annoys me, doing things because thats the way it has always been done! We are doing things just now that make no sense, but because the last guys done it that way we are doing it!!! Some of the things are so half arsed it makes no sense and is in fact dangerous because if gives you a false sense of security!!! Surely its all or nothing!

Im missing being home as well, cant wait to get back home and see everyone again. First thing when i get back is a beer, haircut and some randomness. It doesnt have to be in that order though, lol.

Oh im not having my hair cut until i get home, it could be a bit random by the time i get home, lol.

Anyway thats enough of a rant, I'm off for a shower and bed.