Tuesday, 28 April 2009
"For those watching in black and white........."
Hopefully this will cater for the special people as well as the computer literate, lol. Post your comments as to what you prefer. The majority wins. How about that for democracy, hehe.
Catch you all later
Dave
"Ladies & Gentlemen, Elvis has not left the building!"
Well it has been a long while since I last posted here, not my fault I'm afraid, the computer geeks who monitor the internet have locked our account! The only internet I can get access to up until today is SO restrictive that you can't get on any decent normal websites like blogger, eBay, YouTube even my bank!!! No idea why, it's just the way they run things, good old Uncle Sam….. I obviously cannot be trusted to not buy things on eBay or watch videos on YouTube; I love freedom of speech in the "free" western world!
Anyway, what has happened since the last time I posted? Well the short version is not a great deal. The weather has been pretty bad; dust storms stop us doing much as the visibility gets really bad, it can be as bad as 100metres or less. It's a terrible place to be when its bad weather, you get dust EVERYWHERE! It gets in your eyes, nose, mouth, in your underwear and covers everything! When it's a full blown storm winds can be as high as 40mph which stings quite a bit. I have seen one of the guys being caught out when he was walking the 75 metres back from the shower still wet. I have never laughed so much in ages; he was like a huge sand man. He struggled to see because he had so much dust in his eyes, lol. To top it he couldn't have another shower for nearly an hour because the storm was still blowing, hahahaha. He didn't find it quite so funny for some reason.
This time I have decided to give you a good points and bad points of my deployment so far in bullet points and then explain them a bit more at the end. So here goes the bad points
Bad points
Sharing toilet facilities with women
Engineers controlling the TV!!!!
Lack of newspapers/mags
Lack of E-mail back to base
Internet removed
Lack of bath
Not being able to plan any of my life
Bed space names
Portaloos
Rubbish food/no beer
No day off!
Mortars/rockets
Inefficiency
Other countries getting wages tax free
Fire retardant clothing not available
Too much "touchy feeliness"
Dust!!!!
Paradigm minutes for rapists
Good points
Losing weight
Getting to gym lots
Excitement of buying another house/moving
Getting warmer
End of Iraq 31st May :-)
Bad points - Explanation
Sharing toilet facilities with women - Something just not right about this, lol. I'm poo shy as it is anyway when there are guys around, never mind women. I can be standing at a urinal as well when they walk in! I'm not prude or worry about nakedness but it's the cheek of it all. There are 3 cubicles out of 12 that are designated "Women only" that is 1 cubical each for the 3 women that are here. That leaves 9 for the remaining 100 or so guys, bizarre. Nobody has yet given me an explanation as to why women need their own cubical anyway, lol. I use them out of principle, hehehe.
Engineers controlling the TV - To explain this one I have to give you a bit of background knowledge as to the way the military works for those not in the know. The guys who fix our chariots do not socialise with us. Not out of a "them and us" attitude or us beings snobs. This is just the way of the military. Engineers are very different people to us, they can always be relied upon to find beer, free stuff or strip clubs. They ALL love football, tend not to participate in deep debates about current affairs or care about the wider world. The flip side is us; we tend to be the opposite. We tend not to frequent strip clubs (we do enjoy the freebies that engineers source wherever they go though, lol) we definitely do not get into a round with engineers (this results in us normally saying the next day "I don't know what happened last night, I was just drinking with the engineers, then I can't remember past 9 o'clock!!! They can drink a LOT of booze"),
Lack of newspapers/mags - This one drives me bonkers with frustration; the military system cannot seem to get newspapers/magazines out to us with any reliability. We have only been in
Lack of E-mail back to base - This one is inexcusable and again shows to me how much the military actually care about their own people. Believe it or not, I can't E-mail back to base!!! In this day and age it is shocking that I can't even E-mail to arrange something as similar as a day's holiday unless I phone back through the military operator. This is a journey in itself. I have to dial a number to get the operator, I then tell them the number, they dial it, sometimes I will get the phone answered at the other end if I do then I have to put up with a 2 second delay on everything as well. I work constant night shift and base works (you guessed it) constant day shift! So every day there is a window of opportunity of about 20 mins in which to speak to anyone (providing they haven't finished early, went to the toilet, off for the day or on another phone) Oh and weekends don't count, you only have week days when you can get anything done. Failing that I can ask my boss who has a super secure E-mail system that is used by all the bosses for important stuff (hence super secret) to ask if I can have a day off. I know on the face of it this doesn't sound like much, but it is. The whole of my job works on a pretty hectic timetable, if one thing changes then everything else can change. This means the day off I wanted I can't have, which then means the course I was on after that leave can come forward which means I need someone to cover the day I'm on the course, I off course will need my flight changed as I'm going a day early, my accommodation will need changed as well etc. etc. That is all from one single day changing. It's beyond belief sometimes. We have to rely on good old civilian companies that are decades (I mean this literally) ahead of the military in terms of systems, reliability, usefulness, etc. We use a really complicated and super high tech, super secret weapon that works 100% of the time that is totally dependable, reliable, never fails and is capable of SO much more than our system. It's called Hotmail!!! We have to try and arrange EVERYTHING through Hotmail by speaking in code about what we actually want. This I a challenge in itself, you can't just say "I'm on the 20 April flight at 1500hrs leaving XXXXXX, which land at XXXXX on the same day at 2000hrs" you do stupid things like that and you will have someone sitting at the end of the runway waiting for you with some missiles! You would have to try something like "I will be leaving our main base at your age minus 10hrs, expecting to land at you know where at my age minus 8hrs etc.etc." I'm sure you get the point of how difficult things can get. Just give us a bloody E-mail system that works guys it's really not that difficult or expensive.
Internet removed - The system that we piggy back onto has been removed because one of the engineers used a USB flash drive. The reasons for not using them is because there is a (very very slim) chance that if certain viruses were introduced to these computers then potentially secret info could get compromised. I can't argue with that, I certainly don't want anybody knowing state secrets nor does anybody else. The off shoot is that we have had our account disabled which means no internet! Forget the fact that morale suffers and it's the only contact some people have. It was still removed, now everybody suffers because of one individual. The 5 or 6 terminals that we had spread throughout our camp were all disabled. The next day 2 were turned back on because they were deemed as operationally essential. 1 was in the operations room, which is the hub of everything that happens so that's fair enough. Ironically the other one was the engineers' crewroom, so the people that should have got punished get let off and don't suffer, but everyone else does. I so hate the military sometimes because you can't just march into someone's office and say this is silly and I would like it fixed. There is the frustrating term known as the chain of command! This means you can't speak to people who are more than 1 rank above you otherwise you are bypassing the chain of command and some people get very precious about it. Despite the fact it makes things go SO SO SO slow.
Lack of bath - I don't normally take baths, I would say I have half a dozen a yr maximum and normally because my muscles ache. Out here there are no baths, only showers. So for that reason I always crave one for my aching muscles as my body generally takes a lot of abuse out here on ops.
Not being able to plan any of my life - I am trying to plan a holiday to
Bed space names - My boss took OCD to a new level the other day, he wanted us to all put our name on our beds. Why? Well nobody is sure; we all knew which bed we sleep in! Bizarre, these are the things you don't need when you're on detachment. There is enough crazy stuff happening outside the wire.
Portaloos - I just want porcelain for a day. The temperature is around 30 degrees during the day so I am sure you can imagine how bad smelling a portaloo gets after 12 hours of baking! I would just like to use the toilet without sharing with insects for 1 day.
Rubbish food/no beer - The food here is......... Average at best! I try to eat as healthy as I can however all the food here is very stodgy, laced with salt, sugar and fat. It is no wonder there are so many fat people in the world when this is what they eat every day. The average meal choices are burgers, fries, meat with sauce of some description, veg that has been over cooked by twice as long as it should be and it is all the same! Even the salad tastes wrong....It's no wonder I lose a kilo a week without trying, lol. Beer, well not really much I can add, I am on standby 24/7 and don't get any days off so that means no drinking at all for my full time away. It's odd I don't miss beer when I'm here really. I do end up being reminded by someone at least once a week that "it's the weekend, I could be having a nice cold beer just now!" Oh man, I so want a beer now, haha.
No day off - As I alluded to in the previous paragraph I am on standby 24/7 and work every day I am away without a day off. It doesn't bother me at the time because there isn't really much to do if I did have a day off. For most people in civvie street that might sound like hell to work for 9 - 10 weeks without a day off. It is not as bad as it sounds though, well not at the time. When I get home I do sleep for a good 12 hrs every night for 2 or 3 nights, it normally takes about a week to get back to normal. When I'm deployed I just resign myself to the fact that I will be very tired and fatigued for my full time. Thankfully I don't touch caffeine so I cope a lot better than some, lol.
Mortars/rockets - One of the curious side effects of being in
Inefficiency - Most people have an image of the military as being super efficient, hard working and disciplined. For the record this is right 99% of the time however like every job there are a few people who are key to the whole machine working that let us down. These people driving me into fits of rage and I struggle to not speak my mind. I am going outside the wire risking my neck and there are blunties (people who are not at the sharp end of the military) who moan, whinge and whine about how they can't do something for no other reason than they are too lazy or deliberately being obstructive. I do not suffer fools in any way, shape or form so my frustration goes through the roof and my patience wears very thin, lol. It can be something as simple at having a mandatory 2 hour arrivals brief at 1500hrs when we don't get out of bed until 1630hrs! "The brief is at 1530hrs, it can't be changed". The reason it can't be changed? Dinner is from 1800 - 2000hrs! So they will have to wait until later too eat. I know what you are thinking, why can't we just start earlier? We have to be able to work for 16hrs straight (generally we legally can't work more than this) and we have to be available to work the full hours of darkness and a few hrs after first light. We can't do this if we are up at 1430hrs for a brief. Another example which happened exactly as it is written a while back to one of the guys and kind of sums things up better than any other example of how selfish and narrow minded some of the smaller but no less important cogs can be."Hi store man, can I have a colour printer cartridge please?" the snotty answer was, "No! I can't give you ANOTHER printer cartridge, you have had 1 this week already!" To which the reply was "look around you, all these buildings, all these people, all this equipment can just get packed up and sent home. All of that is here so that I can do my job, no other reason. If I can't do my job and go outside the wire then this whole camp is pointless. If I don't get this printer cartridge I can't print my maps, if I can't print my maps then I can't go outside the wire, if I can't go outside the wire then we are ALL wasting our time. So can I please get the printer cartridge so I can do the job I have been sent to do?" "Eh.... eh...... ok" This is just one very simple example of which there are lots! This is the single most annoying thing when I am deployed and causes more stress than everything else combined
Other countries getting wages tax free - We as far as I am aware are the only country that deploys their servicemen to fight for their country and makes them pay tax. To add insult to injury up until recently there were actually some married guys who were LOSING money by deploying to the tune of around 180 a month!!! It's frustrating speaking to other nations and finding about what they receive in the way of benefits. The Australians receive an extra $60 per day for every day that they are in an operational theatre in addition to paying no tax. Most nations double their wage while fighting for their country. Not us, the government line is that we are not out with the country long enough to qualify for tax free earnings. Interestingly though as government employees who deploy to work in an operational theatre such as embassy staff etc will effectively double their wage due to all the benefits they receive. This is because of the risk of working in an air conditioned office in a secure part of the city due to armed guards (normal soldiers who take the risk of being on checkpoints and patrolling the streets) with plenty of mortar protection, swimming pools, coffee shops and ice cream stands!!! It's just not right, still I'm sure thing will change................. Or B!
More to follow soon.............
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Sunday, 12 April 2009
"I have a great invention.... I will call it the wheel!!!"
So what did we do? Well we got up, then, well done nothing. We tried to see what needed tidied, but to no avail so we moved the chairs around and sat down again. That seemed to please him even although NOTHING changed. Its funny how many bosses I have had that just cannot see how much of an effect they have on morale with their "things". I have been away 9 times now and have seen so many bosses with "a great idea" which funnily enough has been done before and is proven to be silly/non-practical/pointless/morale sapping/good for THEIR career but has no real effect on anything in a positive way.
I have a feeling that this will be the same I hope im wrong as I had a horrendous time last year with a boss who acted like a 5 year old child and would not listen to ANY advice from anybody despite having years more experience than himself. I had the form on the forces admin website to leave the forces up filled in due to him! I really want to enjoy the forces but i dont anymore, there are too many people out just to further their own careers and will shit on everybody to get as high as they can on the ladder.
Oh another thing that annoys me, doing things because thats the way it has always been done! We are doing things just now that make no sense, but because the last guys done it that way we are doing it!!! Some of the things are so half arsed it makes no sense and is in fact dangerous because if gives you a false sense of security!!! Surely its all or nothing!
Im missing being home as well, cant wait to get back home and see everyone again. First thing when i get back is a beer, haircut and some randomness. It doesnt have to be in that order though, lol.
Oh im not having my hair cut until i get home, it could be a bit random by the time i get home, lol.
Anyway thats enough of a rant, I'm off for a shower and bed.
Friday, 10 April 2009
1 week done
Weather is warm, touching on a tiny bit chilly at night if you stand about for too long but getting warmer. Food is still rubbish, getting to the gym as much as possible, guys are not driving me mad yet. We are being kept ticking along with just the right amount of work.
The mozzies are a nightmare, because its raining a lot we are basically living in a swamp so the little blighters love it, I have been eaten alive whilst i was sleeping. Apart from that this det is SO much more relaxed and chilled compared to last time which is better for morale.
There isn't anything else interesting to tell.
Catch you all later.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Day 6.....
Well its nearly been a week now and I am all settled into my routine and accommodation. I don't really have much more to tell, its being quite gentlemanly this time round. We haven't been as busy as previously, thats not a bad thing though, less chance of dying, lol. The weather has stop the fun for tonight due to the dust, this is pretty nasty stuff at times when a full blown dust storm comes in. The only way i can describe it is like being caught in a MASSIVE hail storm with 25mph winds. It properly hurts and gets into EVERYTHING, without going into details, don't blow your nose then examine the results. I remember one of the lads being caught out when he left the shower whilst still wet to walk to his room, lol. He was like a huge sand monster...... He didn't quite see the funny side.
I got some bad news as well, a friend i went through basic training with has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer!!!! He has 2 kids as well who are still young. It kind of puts things in perspective, life can deal you a pretty crappy hand sometimes.
Today is my birthday, I'm officially getting old now!!! Bit annoyed though as i cant have a beer because I'm in an operational theatre, work sucks sometimes, lol. In fact thats not quite true actually, there is "near beer" that the Americans drink that has no alcohol, woohoo!!!
Not really much to say as i haven't done much at all. Thats me now up to date, i will add more if anything new happens.
Saturday, 4 April 2009
2 days done....
So what can I update you about? Well the journey out was remarkably painless which is not normally ever the case. Normally it is the most stressful part of the whole deployment, getting passed from pillar to post and screwed around for days. You would have thought that after gods knows how many years now they would have manage to make things run smooth, lol. Not the case.
I suppose everybody will be wondering about the weather, well..... Eh..... First day I got soaked to the skin, it was absolutely chucking it down. That was not what I was expecting. The temperature during the day is around 28, so just nice. At night it's around 20, perfect beer garden temperature! No beers for Dave though, have to wait till I get home for that.
So what else can I tell you, I have to be careful what I say sometimes as this blog is kind of public. Food is typical American stodge. It contains too much salt, sugar, fat or combination of all 3. French toast with caster sugar anyone??? The accommodation is pretty basic, I'm sharing a room with one of the guys that is about 12' x 12', no en suite though and my mattress is like a crazy golf course! The showers are basic but warm. Depending which toilets I find my self in they range from ok to pretty basic. Still at least I don't have to put toilet paper in the bin anymore!!!
How is the working environment? Well the temperature is still fairly cool so wearing all my body armour, helmet, gloves and survival gear is just about manageable. Give it a few weeks and the temperature will slowly creep up towards 35 degrees which means too hot. At least I will be acclimatising slowly when it does start to creep up so I should not notice too much of a difference.
I have just about completed my handover from the homeward bound guys, should be finished by tonight hopefully. That means they can chill out and start to get all their stuff together for going home. There has not been any change since I was last here, its mad how many old faces you bump into and how little things do change. Even although it was 8 months ago that I left here it honestly feels like I have never left at any point. My old routines have just came straight back, its scary, I actually feel like this is home sometimes and just fall straight into things. I suppose its like riding a bike, you never forget, lol.
Speaking of routines it's quite funny how people act when they are away. Some guys take up smoking, others stop. Some drink lots of tea; others are never out of the gym. I have known people to do a year of Open University in a oner and others overdo it on porn. I have a few little routines and "things"
1 I don't get my hair cut (its like cleansing when I cut it when I return home)
2 I refuse to wear civilian clothes until I get back to the UK (I know I'm home then)
3 I hit the gym nearly every day (gets rid of frustrations)
4 I spend as little time as I can with the guys (stops me getting annoyed)
5 I hardly eat anything (crap food and detox. Lose 1kg a week whilst away)
6 I go through the exact same routine every day when I get up. I shave, floss, brush teeth (10 mins this takes) I shower, half dry off, walk to room, fully dry off, boxer shorts on, foot powder on my feet, get dressed, drop washing off, head to work. I never change that order, I don't know why, it just HAS to be done in that order, lol.
7 I hardly speak to anyone (not like me, I suppose it stops me ranting)
Those are just some of my more prominent quirks, lol. I suppose its just one of the ways to cope with the boredom and stress.
As from tonight now that I'm pretty much settled I'm going to start the gym. I'm getting physio just now for my knees so I can't run (hurts and "causes inflammation") so I normally just jump on the spinning bikes with a book and my iPod and cycle away for an hour or so. It's actually quite relaxing and chilled; I like just having time to myself and being alone with my thoughts. I do a lot of thinking when I'm away about all sorts and this is when I think about them the most.
AAAARRRRGGHHHHH Bloody mozzies are trying to eat me alive!
Well I think that is me up to date with everything, I will try to update you regularly but there are not a lot of computers that allow me to access my blog. We get all sorts filtered and blocked as it's a "security threat!!!"
Anyway until next time………
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Thursday, 2 April 2009
The day has arrived.....
So how am I feeling today? Well, quite tired, grumpy, a little apprehensive, impatient and a little sad. Its always the same emotions when I go away, I suppose its understandable really. I just want to get there, get on with the job and come home.
I ended up sharing a room with one of the lads who has never deployed before so I have been showing him the ropes and taking him under my wing. That has been a little bit of a distraction which is good.
I'm waiting to hear about a helicopter that has crashed in the north sea as one of my friends who has recently left the military was possibly flying. At the minute there are 8 dead and 8 missing, presumed dead. On the face of it, it looks like a catostrophic failure of some sort. A mayday was issued but as yet no further details have came out. Crashing in the sea is definitely NOT on my prefer ways to crash list.
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
1/2 a day to go......
I have decided that I was going to take a big bag and a foot locker this time (no its not a locker filled with feet, lol) I have got all my little home comforts this deployment such as my iPod speakers, decaff tea bags, white pepper (don't ask!), first aid kit, extra t shirts, etc, etc. I have got it all packed away in a certain way now so that when I get to the other end and there are delays (normally always is) I have the essentials to hand. So my wash kit, sleeping bag, laptop, documents and clean T-shirt & underwear are in my hand luggage. That should sort me out for a day worth of delays. Maybe its my slight OCD but I always meticulously plan what I need and when and cater for all the what ifs. We have a saying in the military called the 6 P's. Prior Preparation Prevents P*ss Poor Performance.
That's what deploying is all about, preparation. Its nuts really, 3 months before I deploy I have to get the first bits and pieces started such as leave, ordering kit and starting various training packages/courses. From then on the list gets bigger and bigger. I reckon I have about 50 hoops to jump through and organise. Drives me bonkers every time I go away.
So how am I feeling just now then? Well I have had a couple of beers to try and help me nod off as I don't normally sleep well at all. Its a combination or nerves, anticipation, the unknown, impatience and a little bit of worry. Its weird to explain, the only time I remember feeling like this is when I was told I was going to be having a fight after school with one of the school bullies. You know what's coming and its going to be rubbish but you still have apprehension and nerves. I also worry about things back home, some little things, some big things. These things can prey on your mind a little, even although they sound silly. They range from deaths/illness in the family, car breaking down, not being there for my girlfriend for "man" things like getting things from the top shelf in the kitchen, how everyone is coping with me being away, the dog dying, me having an accident or being killed, unexpected bills etc, etc.
The list does get kind of long and at times ridiculous, most things you can forward plan for. Things like making a will, writing letters to family for if something happens, getting the car serviced, bills paid etc. Somethings you just have to accept are out with your control as well. Last year my dad had a minor heart attack (he might not have told you as he hates talking about it) and I was torn between trying to get home, supporting my family, shafting one of my mates at very short notice, getting a very important job done and not letting people down. I try to compartmentalise things, its not always easy when you have up to 9 weeks to think things over and over and over with no interruptions or distractions. The flip side though, you can sort a lot of things in your own head as well. Its great thinking time for big decisions as you can think things through in great detail.
I'm just about to try and get my head down for some sleep, hopefully it will come.
1 day to go.... continued
Not sure where we are going to stay yet but looking at some of the hotels I don't think it really matters as they are all minted.
1 day to go.....
I have already had my patience (and bank balance) tested. My work can't pay for excess baggage up front (the rest of the world can though) as the company we use to book everything through can't do it (don't ask!!!) Anyway, short version, I had to pay £180 which I then have to justify why and hopefully claim back from the bean counters!!!! That would never happen in a blue chip company would it..... The joys of serving I suppose.